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What does the bible say about Divorce in the New Testament?

Divorce- Greek word separtus (to separate, to divide): The ‘BASE’ Scripture doctrine of divorce is very simple. It is contained in Matthew 19:3-12.

Key New Testament Passages on Divorce

Matthew 19: 3-12 (SEE companion passages Matthew 5:31-32; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18)

Verse 3 When the Pharisees came ‘tempting’ Jesus with questions and asked “is it lawful to put away your wife for every cause?”

Verse 4-6 Jesus’ answer PREDATES Moses teaching…He goes back to the original plan offered in Genesis. “They become one flesh and what God had joined together let no man put asunder.”

Verse 7 They asked “why did Moses then give a writing of divorcement?”

Verse 8 Because of the HARDNESS OF YOUR HEART he suffered (or permitted) you to put away your wives BUT IT WAS NOT SO FROM THE BEGINNING.

Verse 9 (The main New Testament Allowance for Divorce)

“Whosoever shall put away his wife except for fornication (A Biblical look at the Basics of Marriage, Divorce and remarriage

No verse says you can marry as long as your husband or wife is alive. Fornication is the only reason you may separate.

General Thoughts On Marriage: (Ephesians 5:22-33)

“A fully valid marriage must involve mutual consent, commitment to a lifelong relationship, public (i.e. legal) witness and recognition, and sexual union.” (Between one man and one woman) David Bernard General Superintendent of UPCI (as quoted in July – August 2005 UPC Forward Magazine page 18-20)

Genesis 2:24 (along with Ephesians 5:31)

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. KJV

Remember: ‘The Doctrine of First Mention’

1 Timothy 3:2

A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach. KJV

1 Timothy 3:12

Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. KJV

1 Corinthians 7:2

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

Note On Polygamy - Lamech was the first to have more than one wife. (Genesis 4:18-24) He was a prideful man that trusted in the arm of the flesh and not the God of heaven. Though polygamy was practiced among some of the Patriarchs and Kings, Moses discouraged it. (Leviticus 18:18; Deuteronomy 21:15-17) God’s original plan for marriage and the New Testament teaching is clear he ordained it to be between ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN.

Ecclesiastes 9:9

Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. KJV

Mark 10:9

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. KJV

Gen 1:28

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. KJV

Proverbs 18:22

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. KJV

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. KJV

Matt 24:37-38

37 But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark; KJV

MARRIAGE IS NOT TO BE HANDLED OR VIEWED LIGHTLY…IT SHOULD BE VIEWED AS A LIFE TIME COMMITMENT!!! “TO DEATH DO US PART”

God’s Order in the ‘Traditional Christian’ Home & Family:

1st - Jesus Christ - head of the husband, Lord of the family

2nd - Husband - head of the wife; chief authority over the children

3rd - Wife - (Genesis 2:18) - helper to husband and secondary authority in the life of the children

4th - Children - their responsibility is to obey their parents.

Scripture Reference: I Corinthians 11:3; Colossians 3:20-21

In Review of Marriage:

It is between one man and one woman.
They become ‘one flesh’. Speaks specifically to the physical aspects of marriage. (I Cor. 7:2-5)
Though when praying and considering your soul mate for marriage you should give STRONG consideration to spiritual, emotional, mental and physical compatibility. May meet at church, a youth rally, camps, HYC, Bible College, youth trips and other events.
Men and women both have specific roles and functions.



   Relationship order (based on God’s example in creation)

- God with mankind

- Man with woman AND Woman with man

- Parents with children

- Believers with the church

- The church with the lost world (light in darkness)

II.    What does the bible say about Divorce in the Old Testament?

Common statistics say that over 50% of marriage even within ‘Christianity’ ends in divorce.

For the record marriage is a lifetime commitment and God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:14-16; Matthew 5:31-33)

Old Testament Law of Divorce: Deuteronomy 24:1-4

The Old Testament law concerning divorce, apparently quite clear, is recorded most fully in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Among the reference books, scholars and commentaries there is a differing of opinion on the subject of divorce.

Moses’ aim was "to regulate and thus to mitigate an evil which he could not extirpate." The evident purpose was, as far as possible, to favor the wife, and to protect her against an unceremonious expulsion from her home and children. International Standard Bible Encyclopedia

Again, Moses was NOT encouraging divorce but simply offering some godly regulation for a practice that the people were doing because of the hardness of their heart. (Matthew 19:8)

The husband or his family had, as a rule, to pay a certain dowry to the parents or guardians of the betrothed before the marriage was consummated (physically coming together). A wife thus acquired could easily be regarded as a piece of property, which, without great difficulty, could be disposed of in case the husband, for any reason, were disposed to rid himself of an uncongenial companion and willing to forfeit the mohar which he had paid for his wife. The advantage was always with the husband, and yet a wife was not utterly helpless, for she, too, though practically without legal rights, could make herself so intolerably burdensome and hateful in the home that almost any husband would gladly avail himself of his prerogatives and write her a bill of divorcement. Thus, though a wife could not divorce her husband, she could force him to divorce her. Additionally, we do see the examples of Vashti (Esther 1) and Herodias (Matthew 14) as MAYBE leaving their husbands. International Standard Bible Encyclopedia

Noted:

sexual immorality or unlawful intercourse) and shall marry commits adultery and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”

Keys to Preventing Divorce

Pray & choose the correct person.
Keep a spiritual connection. (pray together, share the things of God and cry together) EXCEPT THE LORD BUILD THE HOUSE!!!
Pastoral Pre-Martial Counseling BEFORE GETTING TOO INVOLVED (KEY) & Marital Counseling
Work the Marriage. Have you checked the OIL LATELY?
Keep Courtship in the Marriage and keep the marriage out of court. Get away for a date, night or weekend.
Talk about what is going on…Don’t assume (intimacy, children, in laws, work, ect)
Talk about and do what the other person likes.
Ask your spouse direct questions. But don’t degrade!!!
Be accountable (with your time, cell phone, computer, schedule & related)
Know and use their love language(s).
Buy them something they like or give a less expensive thought provoking gift.
Don’t be a historian or name caller. PLEASE ACT LIKE AN ADULT.
Leave work problems at work.
Be 100% open and honest when it comes to the money.
Give and Take…..be willing to take a hit for the betterment of the family
Admit you are wrong…Take the low side and let go of pride.
COMPROMISE OR SUFFER!!!
Don’t tell others about your home problems. Talk to the pastor and set up a marital counseling session.
BEWARE OF SINGLE PEOPLE OR DIVORCED PEOPLE WHO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT MARRIAGE.
Hollywood, Soaps, hot novels and magazines don’t paint a realistic picture of marriage. They pollute your mind!
Express and tell them you love them.
Give them some free time.
Do some of the mundane task around the house.
Hold their hand, open their door for your wife, divert to your husband’s headship.
Share and show mutual respect.
Have ‘EXAMPLE’ couples and learn from watching and talking to them.
Read the bible and other books on marriage AND APPLY WHAT YOU LEARN.
Dwell with them according to knowledge (know their weakness and personality traits). And if something bothers them than don’t do it and don’t talk about it.
Be a peace maker…Strive to keep unity…Exhort in your speech
Keep the kids out of the middle of the disagreements…protect them…fight fair (privately, with self control and mutual respect). Never call each other names and NEVER---NEVER---NEVER GET PHYSICAL.

INFIDELITY AND DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION…WE ARE COMMITTED TO ONE ANOTHER FOREVER!!!

We should seek to stay married and not look for a loop hole to get a divorce. Hosea chapter 1 to 3 is an example of a husband enduring the sinful acts of an unfaithful spouse without issuing a ‘BILL OF DIVORCEMENT’. What is lawful is not always expedient. (I Corinthians 10:23) We should seek to stay married. Lack of compatibility is NOT a reason for divorce. Falling out of love is NOT a reason for divorce. You need to fall back in love AGAIN. Being in love with each other is a daily choice. Marriage is more about commitment than emotion. Just like loving Jesus everyday is a choice. Our focus as a Christian should be to forgive, reconcile, grow and go forward. The bible does declare that the unsaved spouse is ‘sanctified’ by the saved spouse. Also, if adultery takes place and the couple goes through counseling, prays and feels committed to reconciliation and goes forward this act of adultery SHOULD NOT BE BROUGHT UP AGAIN. Once it is forgiven by God and the other spouse and put on the altar it needs to stay on the altar. Or else God may bring something up from your past. YOU CAN NOT USE THIS AS A ‘BIBLICAL REASON’ FOR DIVORCE ANYTIME IN THE FUTURE!

We are men and women of the New Testament and we must stay true to the Word of God in all things. What he sets in bonds is the same then as of today. We can not do as we want because of the flesh (Lust), we must abide in his design no matter how we feel. If we don't care what others think and wish to do what we want because we are lonely, it may cause us to lose out with God and be lost. Sin is the separation of man from God.
Marriage is a divine institution and as a Christian institution it is one of the most significant arena's in life for the demonstration of God's grace in the angelic conflict. Not only do you have an individual testimony in the Christian life, but you also have a corporate testimony in your marriage.
1. Overall Commands:
These are mandates to all believers in all relationships a. Love one another as Christ loved the Church. 1John 3:16, John 13:34, 35.b. Submitting to one another in the fear of God, Eph. 5:21. c. Both husband and wife are to be mutually involved in intimacy. d. Both husband and wife are to love each other unconditionally, and impersonally.
2. To the Husband
1. Love your wife AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH. Most husbands can benefit from spending a good deal of time reflecting on the kind of love Christ demonstrated on the cross, the various attributes that are a part of that love, and how those attributes are evident in his own love for his wife. 2. Honor your wife, from the Greek word time [means to admire, to give deference to, to respect, and to value.] Honor means to demonstrate respect for her, value her as someone important, demonstrate that you hold her and her opinions and ideas in high regard. (1Pet 3:7) 3. The husband is to be the spiritual leader in the home; not simply in terms of getting the family to Bible class but to demonstrate the Christian life through the example of his own positive volition and application. 4. Husbands are to treat their wives with gentleness, kindness, respect, 1Pet 3:7. 5. Husbands are to be forgiving and to not be resentful or bitter toward their wives, Col 3:19.
3. Commands to the Wives
1. Wives are not commanded to love their husbands, but to respect their husbands, Eph 5:33. 2. Respect is a response term, but it is no excuse to say that my husband isn't worthy of my respect. She is to give deference to his wishes. Respect includes thoughtfulness, kindness, and generosity. 4. In order for Christian marriage to be successful their must be communication. When the husband is leading he does so without barking orders to his wife like she is some recruit, and the wife must learn to communicate without being critical.
Service for the Lord By the Married
1. There is time consumed in making a marriage successful. You must spend time with your spouse, you must talk with your spouse, you must communicate and listen. I am amazed at how poor the communication is in most marriages. 2. There is time involved in training children. 3. Time consumed in providing materially for the family. His business cannot suffer. He must work, sometimes this involves 60 or 70 hours. On top of that he has family responsibilities. 4. Time for the Lord's service, prayer, prayer meeting, learning doctrine. The Lord must not be neglected.
Reasons not to get married
1. Social pressure: Never get married because you think, "I'll never get another chance," or to solve problems, orto deal with loneliness, or because the other person seems to love you, or pregnancy. Don't marry to acquire social status or to improve economic situation in life. Don't marry someone because they are kind to you, or because they are sympathetic to you, or from gratitude.2. Don't marry to solve a financial pressure in your life. Don't marry for a meal ticket, to improve you economics. 3. Do not marry to get into a country. 4. Don't marry on a wave of libido, sex is not love, it is only one of the many manifestations of love, don't confuse lust with love. 5. Age pressure. 6. Don't marry an unbeliever, or someone that isn't really interested in doctrine. Do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever, someone not born again of the water and Spirit. 7. Don't marry with the attitude that you can get out of it if things don't work out. The Word says if you leave you commit adultry being married to another. The word diverce was chaged from the greek word sepratus, meaning to separate from one another and each live for God as he wills but is not free to marry another as long as the other member is a live.
Selection of a Life Time Partner
1. Falling in love is not always neat and logical. People often get married when their critical judgment is nullified by their emotions. This is why you should always begin a dating relationship by discussing critical issues in life, beginning with your relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, and Bible doctrine. This provides two things,
a. First, it will eliminate many people because they are in negative volition
b. Second, it will lay the foundation for meaningful communication.
You must discuss backgrounds, family life, spend some time with each other's families and observe the family dynamics, how does the father treat the mother and the reverse. Your spouse learned his ideas about marriage relationships from watching his/her parents. Spend time in a variety of different situations. How does this person handle pressure, adversity, how do they argue, fight, etc.
Discuss views on child raising, discipline, if the person has been married before and has children that brings in another set of problems. How old are the children? How long have they been without the other parent, what were the circumstances of the parting, How does their parent want you to relate to them in terms of guidance, discipline, decision Discuss views on politics.What about your future?
Discuss money, budgeting, ownership of property, investing, savings.
2. Important areas of compatibility:
Spiritual compatibility Economic compatibility Recreational compatibility Mental compatibility. Sin nature compatibility: By this I mean, you need to understand the trends in the other person, mental attitude sins, overt sins, anger, lust, jealousy. I don't mean you should have the same trends but understand their ways. 3. Do not marry someone with an addiction problem or personality prone to addiction: alcoholic, drug, gambling. 4. Men need to be ready to assume leadership role. They should be financially stable, and ready to assume the responsibilities of providing for a family. 5. Women should be ready to adapt themselves to the man and the Lord's leading in his life. In an age when many women are taught and trained to have a career and to be career oriented it can frequently occur that her career goals and his career goals conflict. The man's career, if he is in the plan and will of God, is the only issue. Women should not marry until they meet someone to whom they are willing to surrender their freedom, someone who will not abuse their leadership role, someone who has a basic understanding of the biblical responsibilities of a husband or the two deffinetly should not marry, someone they can respect and who's leadership they can follow. Women need to be able to define what it means to be a submissive wife and to follow the leadership of the Godly husband, what it means to adapt themselves to their husband. The husband isn't the one who should adapt to the wife, her abilities or her earning potential. The woman should also make sure she understands what the man thinks it means for her to be submissive. 6. It is better to be single than to be married to the wrong person.
Better to be single than stupid
Marriage Failure
1. Marriage is a divine institution for unbeliever and believer alike. 2. In the New Testament marriage for believers takes on an additional and higher significance. In marriage the believer has an opportunity to be a corporate testimony in the angelic conflict. 3. However, it takes two to make a marriage successful and only one to destroy it. 4. One of three things can happen when a marriage becomes difficult:
a. First, you decide to stay with it and endure the situation providing it does not involve physical abuse, sexual immorality, or drug abuse, and you are not in danger of being defrauded financially. So you operate on the principle of blessing by association and hope to have an impact on the person for Christ.
b. Second. Separation, Biblically the right of separation is recognized. But you have to take into account state law regarding legal separation, community property. By separation here it may mean a legal divorce, but no biblical right to remarry.
c. Divorce with the understanding there is no freedom to remarry.
5. In a mixed marriage the unbeliever makes the decision. The divorce gimmick: one party manipulates the other party into a divorce so that technically they don't look like the guilty party.
6. Biblical divorce provides the right to remarry.
7. Divorce and remarriage were permitted under the Mosaic Law, one exception Deut 24, 3,4
8. In the Old Testament the man always initiated the divorce, but the principle works.
9. In John 4 Jesus recognized that the woman at the well had had five separate marriages and was no longer married to any of them. This recognizes the legitimacy of divorce and the subsequent marriages.
10. Divorce for Adultery, that is unfaithfulness to the marriage contract, Matt 5:32, 19:9, not simply an act of sexual infidelity.
Desertion:
1 Cor. 7:15, remember a person can desert a marriage mentally or emotionally. Divorce gimmick, one person can so emotionally badger or manipulate the other that they end up initiating the divorce, and the other person looks like the innocent party. Physical abuse, protection, child abuse, sexual abuse, drug abuse, financial abuse. If you remarry a divorced person and either of you or both of you do not have a biblical cause for the previous divorce then the law of the status quo comes in plus confession and forgiveness. Confess it, move on, God forgives and the issue is behind you. Forward together with the past washed away and never to be used against the other.

Bro. Paul Wright-UPCI