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                                          What does the bible say about Divorce in the New Testament?

 

 

 Divorce (to apostasiou): The ‘BASE’ Scripture doctrine of divorce is very simple. It is contained in Matthew 19:3-12.

 

Suffice to say that sins and mistakes that happened in your life before you got saved (born of water and spirit) are under the blood. You are a new creature in Christ Jesus. The writings of Paul were to the spirit filled believer.

 

Key New Testament Passages on Divorce

 

Matthew 19: 3-12 (SEE companion passages Matthew 5:31-32; Mark 10:2-12; Luke 16:18)

 

Verse 3 When the Pharisees came ‘tempting’ Jesus with questions and asked “is it lawful to put away your wife for every cause?”

Verse 4-6 Jesus’ answer PREDATES Moses teaching…He goes back to the original plan offered in Genesis. “They become one flesh and what God had joined together let no man put asunder.”

Verse 7 They asked “why did Moses then give a writing of divorcement?”

Verse 8 Because of the HARDNESS OF YOUR HEART he suffered (or permitted) you to put away your wives BUT IT WAS NOT SO FROM THE BEGINNING.

Verse 9 (The main New Testament Allowance for Divorce)

“Whosoever shall put away his wife except for fornication (A Biblical look at the Basics of Marriage, Divorce and remarriage

 

 

 

  • General Thoughts On Marriage: (Ephesians 5:22-33)

     

    “A fully valid marriage must involve mutual consent, commitment to a lifelong relationship, public (i.e. legal) witness and recognition, and sexual union.” (Between one man and one woman) David Bernard General Superintendent of UPCI (as quoted in July – August 2005 UPC Forward Magazine page 18-20)

     

    Genesis 2:24 (along with Ephesians 5:31)

    Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. KJV

     

                Remember: ‘The Doctrine of First Mention’

     

    1 Timothy 3:2

    A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach. KJV

     

    1 Timothy 3:12

    Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. KJV

     

    1 Corinthians 7:2

    Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

     

    Note On Polygamy - Lamech was the first to have more than one wife. (Genesis 4:18-24) He was a prideful man that trusted in the arm of the flesh and not the God of heaven. Though polygamy was practiced among some of the Patriarchs and Kings, Moses discouraged it. (Leviticus 18:18; Deuteronomy 21:15-17) God’s original plan for marriage and the New Testament teaching is clear he ordained it to be between ONE MAN AND ONE WOMAN.

     

    Ecclesiastes 9:9

    Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou takest under the sun. KJV

     

    Mark 10:9

    What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. KJV

     

     

     

     

    Gen 1:28

    And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth. KJV

     

    Proverbs 18:22

    Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD. KJV

     

    Hebrews 13:4

    Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. KJV

     

    Matt 24:37-38

    37 But as the days of Noe were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.

     

    38 For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark; KJV

     

    MARRIAGE IS NOT TO BE HANDLED OR VIEWED LIGHTLY…IT SHOULD BE VIEWED AS A LIFE TIME COMMITMENT!!! “TO DEATH DO US PART”

     

    God’s Order in the ‘Traditional Christian’ Home & Family:

                1st - Jesus Christ - head of the husband, Lord of the family

                2nd - Husband - head of the wife; chief authority over the children

    3rd - Wife - (Genesis 2:18) - helper to husband and secondary authority in the life of the children

                4th - Children - their responsibility is to obey their parents.

                           

                            Scripture Reference:  I Corinthians 11:3; Colossians 3:20-21

     

    In Review of Marriage:

        

  • It is between one man and one woman.

  • They become ‘one flesh’. Speaks specifically to the physical aspects of marriage. (I Cor. 7:2-5)

  • Though when praying and considering your soul mate for marriage you should give STRONG consideration to spiritual, emotional, mental and physical compatibility. May meet at church, a youth rally, camps, HYC, Bible College, youth trips and other events.

  • Men and women both have specific roles and functions.

        

         Relationship order (based on God’s example in creation)

              - God with mankind

              - Man with woman AND Woman with man

              - Parents with children

              - Believers with the church

              - The church with the lost world (light in darkness)

     

     

     

    II.      What does the bible say about Divorce in the Old Testament?

     

    Common statistics say that over 50% of marriage even within ‘Christianity’ ends in divorce.

     

    For the record marriage is a lifetime commitment and God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:14-16; Matthew 5:31-33)

    Old Testament Law of Divorce: Deuteronomy 24:1-4

    The Old Testament law concerning divorce, apparently quite clear, is recorded most fully in Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Among the reference books, scholars and commentaries there is a differing of opinion on the subject of divorce.

    Moses’ aim was "to regulate and thus to mitigate an evil which he could not extirpate." The evident purpose was, as far as possible, to favor the wife, and to protect her against an unceremonious expulsion from her home and children. International Standard Bible Encyclopedia

    Again, Moses was NOT encouraging divorce but simply offering some godly regulation for a practice that the people were doing because of the hardness of their heart. (Matthew 19:8)

    The husband or his family had, as a rule, to pay a certain dowry to the parents or guardians of the betrothed before the marriage was consummated (physically coming together). A wife thus acquired could easily be regarded as a piece of property, which, without great difficulty, could be disposed of in case the husband, for any reason, were disposed to rid himself of an uncongenial companion and willing to forfeit the mohar which he had paid for his wife. The advantage was always with the husband, and yet a wife was not utterly helpless, for she, too, though practically without legal rights, could make herself so intolerably burdensome and hateful in the home that almost any husband would gladly avail himself of his prerogatives and write her a bill of divorcement. Thus, though a wife could not divorce her husband, she could force him to divorce her. Additionally, we do see the examples of Vashti (Esther 1) and Herodias (Matthew 14) as MAYBE leaving their husbands. International Standard Bible Encyclopedia

     

    Noted:   

    sexual immorality or unlawful intercourse) and shall marry commits adultery and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”

     

    Keys to Preventing Divorce

  • Pray & choose the correct person.

  • Keep a spiritual connection. (pray together, share the things of God and cry together) EXCEPT THE LORD BUILD THE HOUSE!!!

  • Pastoral Pre-Martial Counseling BEFORE GETTING TOO INVOLVED  (KEY) & Marital Counseling

  • Work the Marriage. Have you checked the OIL LATELY?

  • Keep Courtship in the Marriage and keep the marriage out of court. Get away for a date, night or weekend.

  • Talk about what is going on…Don’t assume (intimacy, children, in laws, work, ect)

  • Talk about and do what the other person likes.

  • Ask your spouse direct questions. But don’t degrade!!!

  • Be accountable (with your time, cell phone, computer, schedule & related)

  • Know and use their love language(s).

  • Buy them something they like or give a less expensive thought provoking gift.

  • Don’t be a historian or name caller. PLEASE ACT LIKE AN ADULT.

  • Leave work problems at work.

  • Be 100% open and honest when it comes to the money.

  • Give and Take…..be willing to take a hit for the betterment of the family

  • Admit you are wrong…Take the low side and let go of pride.

  • COMPROMISE OR SUFFER!!!

  • Don’t tell others about your home problems. Talk to the pastor and set up a marital counseling session.

  • BEWARE OF SINGLE PEOPLE OR DIVORCED PEOPLE WHO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT MARRIAGE.

  • Hollywood, Soaps, hot novels and magazines don’t paint a realistic picture of marriage. They pollute your mind!

  • Express and tell them you love them.

  • Give them some free time.

  • Do some of the mundane task around the house.

  • Hold their hand, open their door for your wife, divert to your husband’s headship.

  • Share and show mutual respect.

  • Have ‘EXAMPLE’ couples and learn from watching and talking to them.

  • Read the bible and other books on marriage AND APPLY WHAT YOU LEARN.

  • Dwell with them according to knowledge (know their weakness and personality traits). And if something bothers them than don’t do it and don’t talk about it.

  • Be a peace maker…Strive to keep unity…Exhort in your speech

  • Keep the kids out of the middle of the disagreements…protect them…fight fair (privately, with self control and mutual respect). Never call each other names and NEVER---NEVER---NEVER GET PHYSICAL.

    INFIDELITY AND DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION…WE ARE COMMITTED TO ONE ANOTHER FOREVER!!!

     

    We should seek to stay married and not look for a loop hole to get a divorce. Hosea chapter 1 to 3 is an example of a husband enduring the sinful acts of an unfaithful spouse without issuing a ‘BILL OF DIVORCEMENT’. What is lawful is not always expedient. (I Corinthians 10:23) We should seek to stay married. Lack of compatibility is NOT a reason for divorce. Falling out of love is NOT a reason for divorce. You need to fall back in love AGAIN. Being in love with each other is a daily choice. Marriage is more about commitment than emotion. Just like loving Jesus everyday is a choice. Our focus as a Christian should be to forgive, reconcile, grow and go forward. The bible does declare that the unsaved spouse is ‘sanctified’ by the saved spouse. Also, if adultery takes place and the couple goes through counseling, prays and feels committed to reconciliation and goes forward this act of adultery SHOULD NOT BE BROUGHT UP AGAIN. Once it is forgiven by God and the other spouse and put on the altar it needs to stay on the altar. Or else God may bring something up from your past. YOU CAN NOT USE THIS AS A ‘BIBLICAL REASON’ FOR DIVORCE ANYTIME IN THE FUTURE!

     

    We are men and women of the New Testament and we must stay true to the Word of God in all things. What he sets in bonds is the same then as of today. We can not do as we want because of the flesh (Lust), we must abide in his design no matter how we feel. If we don't care what others think and wish to do what we want because we are lonely, it may cause us to lose out with God and be lost. Sin is the separation of man from God.                                                                                                     UPCI

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